A high school teacher recently posted in frustration about how their role as a teacher has changed. The teacher said that instead of teaching knowledge and critical thinking, they were now a grading machine tuned to helping students achieve a certain GPA to satisfy parents.
Parents want the best for their children but sometimes go too far, motivated by their child's future employment opportunities or their own failures or lack of opportunity.
My children had friends who faced physical punishment at home for bad grades. You can imagine how stressed and emotional these friends were about their grades.
What is the right level of grade pressure we should put on our children and their teachers?
My parents had a good rule that I tried to implement: Whatever your best is, do it. If your best is a C, then get a C. If your best is an A, then get an A.
My kids may remember it differently, but my biggest pressure was on process rather than results. On a per-class basis, I had to understand what each child's best was and accept what it was. One child was a whiz at Economics; the other two could hardly figure it out. We worked on tactics like tutoring or how to study more effectively, but at some point, you understand and accept that they're not making an A in that particular course.
One of my children was a solid B student, but in our competitive school, that placed them in the bottom half of the class. I had to cheer them up because a B average was good and was also their best. Another child was so hard on themselves about grades that I took the opposite approach of trying to calm them down, realizing I couldn't be harder on them than they were on themselves.
A few suggestions for parents:
Reflect on your behavior and how it impacts your child.
Encourage your child rather than pressuring them to achieve a certain level. Don’t kick them when they’re down.
Build a healthy relationship with your child. Let them know of your unfailing love regardless of any test score.
Support teachers rather than fighting them or pressuring them.
Get a grip on yourself. There are many paths for your child to get to where they need to go.
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