Unison Parenting Blog: Don't Overload Your Kids with Information

Parents can say so much that kids tune out.

I get it because I've done it. You're so happy when your child asks a deep question. You feel like you've been waiting for this moment to impart knowledge and wisdom. Then you firehose them with too much information.

Worse (and here's the Unison Parenting angle), a parenting partner may jump in and do the same, adding info or correcting you. Before too long, the kid is tuning out. They may even regret asking the question at all.

Parents should work together to appropriately answer a child's questions, giving just enough information. Coordination may mean one parent says little or nothing at all.

Here’s a technique I learned from "Dwayne," who taught sex education classes in churches. Given his field, Dwayne was overeager when his elementary kids asked him a sex-related question. He gave a very detailed answer. Two years later, one kid brought up the topic again as if they had never heard the first lecture.

Dwayne realized he had said so much, none was absorbed. He learned and shared with me this technique: Only answer deep questions in the most basic way.

Answer a deep question simply, then stop. Let the child think about your answer. If they ask a follow-up question, answer that question simply, then stop. Repeat this until your child stops asking questions. That's how you know they've absorbed all they can process at this age and time.

I employed this same technique in speaking to business executives. They want only the essential information in a complex situation. So, I would craft a 30-second answer. If they asked for more information, I would give a two-minute, more detailed answer. If they wanted to dive into details, then we could have a deeper discussion of the topic’s complexities - until they chose to stop.

Do the same with your kid’s questions. Give a brief answer. If they want more, spoon out a little more. Incrementally answer their questions until they stop asking. It's tempting to continue and pile on more information, but then you're punishing rather than rewarding them for asking questions.