What I'm about to describe is easy to read but can be very hard to implement.
When you become a couple, you become a new family. Each of you brings a family culture into your new family, and if you're in a multiple parenting partner situation, there are more combinations to account for. Nowhere is this culture clash more apparent than during holidays like today's Thanksgiving celebration.
Melding family cultures is always tricky, not only because of the overt differences, but because of hidden assumptions, which are the bigger problem. The hidden assumptions occur in the mind and often go unspoken, perhaps even unrealized by the person fostering them. But those hidden assumptions lead to unhappiness in your marriage, partnership, and parenting.
Let's zoom in on melding holiday traditions. The Thanksgiving holiday creates expectations around travel, food, activities, and more. I use the term "melding," but merging may not be possible if traditions are polar opposites. Instead, you look for compromise or alternating between traditions. Or you can create something brand new together.
I won't suggest a single methodology for doing this, but I will suggest some guidelines.
Start from a place of honor for each other's opinions, viewpoints, and family culture and tradition.
Inspect your own family culture for the parts you really didn't like and don't mind discarding.
Beware the power struggle. Make it about the end result, not power over each other.
Come out of your discussions in unison. Even if you disagree with parts of the result, you need to present a united front to your children, now and always.
Be willing to switch things up over the years, either in alternating between the family of origin traditions or striking your own unique path.
Unison parents do not let holidays devolve into fights and sulking. Take care of each other's feelings, be honest about your own, and look for those hidden assumptions that confuse all the parenting partners involved in holiday decision-making.
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